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'cause it's hard to say i'd rather be awake when i'm asleep

edward cullen
Christmas in Bali is..well, seems no one is celebrating Christmas here except you go to the mall then you'll see Christmas trees decorated in lamps n stuffs. I'm "lucky" to be here at rainy season otherwise it'd get so hot, according to the natives.

Anyway, i no longer stay with my friend whom i came here with because she now stays at her relative while i stay with a friend of mine who works here for this past 6 months, in her boarding house. Since she's been here for a while now she knew a lot of great places to visit. Last night we rode a motorcycle and drove around the town. It was great to see the view at night^^

And i had been to the mall too:p but what is it with the price? The same department store in my city for the same products doesn't give that high price. But i bought them anyway:pp It's a rape to my purse!!>.<

And i also bought some books yesterday. A novel by Fumio Niwa, The Budha Tree and Leo Tolstoy, The Kreutzer Sonata. I guess those are my Christmas gifts for myself:p

Have a merry Christmas everyone!^^

First day in Bali
This is not like we expected*laugh*. My friend and i woke up very late since we were so tired last night; the moment i laid my body to the bed i fell asleep without even changed my clothes and i always did my ritual before i went to bed before, like wash my face etc. Because i like to go to bed clean. Last night for the first time in my life i broke my rule. Thanks God i'm not a perfectionist*laugh*

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I watch Bali TV and read Bali Post. Somebody made a comment on how he thought Bali's teenagers wear inappropriate clothes when they go to Pura. He said "They go to sacred place wearing kamen like they are lacking of clothes. Are they gonna pray or what?". Kamen is Hindu traditional clothes when Bali's people go to Pura to pray. He went on about "the girls being too sexy as if they want to show their sexual desire to the boys" and the boys styles "as if they just want to hang around with their ganks". I had to laugh hard when i heard this. I think that's the sweet thing about being teenage:) it's their time; they are buds about to bloom. But seriously, when i was in the car departed from Bali airport last night, i saw some guys wore white shirts, Hindu traditonal clothes when they go to Pura and they had this kind of  "hachimaki" style in thier foreheads (sorry, i don't know the name), the first thing that came in mind when i saw them was "wow, they look hot":p. See, when some people here might think (yes, he said this too) ."This act is shameful. How we're gonna face other people from other religion? They're gonna look down on us. Who's gonna respect us now?". Well sir, people like me. :)

I'm going to Bali now!^^ I'm at the airport with my friend, our plane will take off in an hour. I'll stay there for long holiday so we will be there at Christmas nite and New Years' eve. I'm so happy^^ I've never gone to Bali before. This is my first visit. I do need this vacation so much; with all this stress of doing my final paper for years and my endless sickness..*sigh* i REALLY need to go somewhere, out of town. Thank God i had just graduated and my sickness seems getting better now....i hope :p I don't expect any surprise from my body there, please God, don't!

And i bring full complete series of Okane ga Nai manga scanlation with me!LOL. It's like my daily need since i'm soo in luv with Kanoe-san, the seme there ;p My friend said Bali full with Japanese tourist :p maybe i'll find someone who looks just like Kanoe, hahaha! Isn't it great when a character i've only known from a yaoi manga comes to live?^o^  Or "at least" i'll see a Japanese guy who resembles hyde or gackt or any Jrockers there, hehehe :p What a sight!^_^  

So, i see you again when i'm in Bali^^ I hope you have great vacation too. Enjoy your holiday!^^v

(no subject)


I'm going home now
I have just left my boarding house since i had graduated. Now i live in my new house in suburb area near this city. I never really live here before since it's new but the first day i was here, in the morning i opened my window to look up to the blue sky (my favorite thing to do in the morning :p) i heard this voice of people took a bath and chatted! I looked down (my room is on the 2nd floor) and there i saw a public bathroom!! o_O hahaha. It's not like i didn't notice it before but I DIDN'T NOTICE IT BEFORE, do you know what i mean? hehe. Well, my new house is in a village, so yeah, many unusual things happened here, i guess i've got to adjust my eyes with the views :)

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So, anyways, that big person told me something that i'd like to share it with you guys^^ (Relax, i won't talk about medicine, or how he cured me, lol). Well, he knew that i'm a single so he asked me to be careful when i choose a guy nowdays:) And this is the fun part: he said there are 3 things i must notice earlier when i meet some one in order not to make wrong choice.
The 3 things are "DON'T CHOOSE THAT GUY/GIRL IF":
1. They like to comb their hair with no apparent reason. They keep combing their hair with their hands.
2. They like to touch the sleeve of their hands again and again.
3. ...........Alright, i forget the number 3, hahahaha. lol. I swear i forget it! ahahaha :p Sorry! :ppp

He said those are the signs that they can not face the reality and like to run away from their responsibility. Well, the truth is, in my daily life, i met many people with or without those habits that loves to run away when things got messy because of their own faults.

Well, it's up to you what you think about that advice. He said to me "listen to me, i've seen enough with my age". I believe he has many lessons to share since he is the one with experiences, if you know what i mean. As for me, i knew i won't choose that guy (or girl, hehe ;p) even if i didn't know about those 3 rules, because seeing that kind of person who constantly combing their hair and touching their sleeves... doesn't it look like they feel anxiety about something and makes you think "huh? what's wrong with you? do you feel itchy or something?" LOL. "Go take a bath and wash your hair and clothes now!", hahaha XD. I'd think like that if i've ever saw this kind of person in my life :D

(no subject)
I am letting you go tonight..

I can't believe i had been able to let you go

and i feel relieved...


Please, be happy.

(no subject)
hyde quite
I think i want to slower down my rhythm, make my pace longer
Everything is rushing around me
Like i'm the only one standing in the middle of the street and every vehicles is moving so fast around me 
It got me dizzy...and i almost lose myself there

I feel like i'm trapped in the crowd
and i got bumped from all around..
More than it hurts me, it confuses me.

I need time to breath......and think
I need to get my grip before i decide where to move on
It's alright to be in the crowd, i just want to make sure i'm not being swept away by the mainstream coz i.....i have my own destination, .....haven't i?

Writer's Block: It Was Only A Dream
hyde sweet dream
Have you ever had a dream so certain it happened? What was it?

Just recently i had a dream about twins rainbows. It was so vivid. I was standing on a street and when i looked up i saw 2 big, long and beautiful rainbows on the sky so close to me. The twins rainbows joined at one of their end made me stood in the middle of them.

Since it was an unusual dream for me, i googled the meaning of rainbow dream and these are what i got (it's quite interesting and funny actually^^):


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Meaning of Dreams about Rainbow: Journaling For Awareness

When you write in a journal, you discover truths about yourself that you might not ordinarily be able to see. You begin to explore your fantasies, dreams, beliefs and values. You can face your fears. Writing in a journal and knowing that your confidences will not be betrayed will help you talk to yourself about your fears as you've never been able to with another human.

So, which one of them that happens to come true? Well, so far is no 6. But i wrote my Live Journal long before i had that dream and i've planned to keep writing with or without that dream. This journal is my catharsis so far, and God knows i need catharsis, especially now!*laugh*
But because of all the meanings are good, i hope they all will come true someday^__^

But, can somebody tell me what if the rainbows are twins?

Happy belated b'day for me^_^
hyde being cute
Really, it was just another day to survive
But what made it different was i was (successfully made myself) honestly happy from the moment i woke up in the morning until the moment i closed my eyes at night :)
It really was a blessing^__^

What happened was; no party, i didn't go anywhere since mid day because it was raining outside 'till night, i broke, i didn't tell my company who had been with me most of time yesterday that it was my birthday, and i fell sick at night (that's why i didn't post any b'day entry although that was my plan). But i managed to feel content and satisfied...you know, the feeling that you have when you feel everything you have is enough for you, just enough, and you feel content and that makes you feel satisfied and...although it's a small feeling but it's a happy feeling you have inside your heart. That was what i felt yesterday. Content ^__^
And i swear to you, that kind of feeling is really rare happened to me like once in a millennium*laugh*. So, yes, i think it was a real bless^_^

I am a woman (and proud of it ^___^)
hyde soul
I watched Sex and The City 2 yesterday and heard this song sang by our 4 women in the movie, well you know, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda. And since today is my birthday and i'm not a girl not yet a woman now :p i found the lyrics are just so woman...and so me :p Here goes for you all of women out there.
Let's cheer our life, sists!^^

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Yep, you got that right there. I am still trying to be a woman :)
Btw, I'm playing with words: W(H)-OME-N. Can you see what i'm trying to convey here? :)
Yeah, i've just realized that my self. One day, a few days ago i woke up in the morning with that thought already in my mind. Yea, can you believe that?*laugh*, but i swear it's true*shrug* I guess that's a proof that i am already a woman; my straight brain and my subconscious mind made a conspiracy while i slept, they were trying to tell me that i am a woman no matter what my fangirly brain made me, LOL.

Hyde is always with me when i was just a girl, not a girl not yet a woman, and when i'm a woman. So, thank you hyde, for settling in to my life and heavily involved. I grow up with you. You play a significant part in my life. I loved you, i still love you now but now i love my self too :) my parents, my God like never before.  And i love somebody else too..^^ "You taught me how to love, i feel i can do anything" :)